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I have prayed nonstop and cried nonstop now for a month straight. I cannot eat dinner or watch TV or even consume desserts. Nothing satisfies me. My tears Glue my swollen eyelids shut each night. Everyone has given up hope. All have accepted the pending divorce except for me. I have begun to vow to Lord again, that if He will fix it this last time, that if He will save my marriage, that if He will change the heart of my husband and draw him back to Himself, then I will make sure no woman going through this will ever have to search as hard as I have for confirmation that God can do it. I will do blogs, videos, and books dedicated to giving Him the Glory for blocking the divorce and regulating the mind of my husband. I will own up to the part I played in it all as well. Because at the end of the day, I want God to be glorified in my testimony because if He gives me a powerful testimony out of this, it will all be worth it. Every tear I shed and every pound I’ve lost will all be worth it....
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The Divine Providence of My Marriage

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The Divine Providence of My Marriage-a brief history One of my Favorite scriptures in the Bible is Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV): For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Divine Providence is defined as the way God uses everything that happens in life to bring His plans into manifestation. He uses the good, the bad, the happy and the sad. At the end of the day, He is always in control and nothing happens outside of His Will. Even when it is His Permissive Will, (the things that He may allow although it was not according to His perfect plan) He still controls the outcome. I love this because it gives me peace of mind to know that God always has a plan in the works concerning my life. My joy in knowing that is the fact that no matter what I do to mess it up, (when I start trying to put my hands in the plan) God is always able to work all things for my good (Romans 8:28). Even what the devil means for...
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When He Wants a Divorce But I Don't

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 It's been over 100 days since he said that he wanted a divorce.  It's been over 100 days since my heart started beating irregularly. It's been over 100 days since anxiety and panic attacks have joined my list of daily emotions.  It's been over 100 days since I felt comfortable in my own skin. It's been more than 100 days since I've experienced pure Joy.  It's been over 100 days and counting since my eyes became leaky faucets.  How in the world has it been over 100 days??? I reflected back over the years of our marriage and I thought about how I've never been more confident in my position and situation, my station in life.  My footing was so sure.  I knew my myself and knew my spouse and knew that we would be together forever no matter what. I knew that I would wear his name until the day I died.  I was certain of this.  However, I didn't always express that knowledge in my behaviors. You wouldn't believe I wanted forever with the way I would...
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But I Can't Live Without him

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Finding out that my Husband wanted to divorce me; I remember that night like it was yesterday.  How I cried and cried like my world was coming to an end. I literally felt that it couldn’t go on if there was no love from him.  What kind of cruel world could hold my existence without his love? Our marriage was the first time I had experienced a love so deep that I felt like I could die tomorrow a happy woman knowing that I had thoroughly loved and had been known and completely loved-or so I thought. "But I can't live without him!!!"  This was the exact sentence I cried out to The Lord.  Even now, remembering the emotion tied into those words brings tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat.  I had all kind of crazy thoughts going through my head at that moment.  My gun was actually within arms reach in my bedroom.  I can't even bring myself to write out the scenarios that played through my head over and over.  When I look back now, I know it was the ...
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I want a divorce.

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I want a divorce. Those were the most devastating words I had ever heard in my life.  And even though I myself had said that sentence in the past plenty of times, I had never actually heard it said to me.  I promised myself that I would never say them again as the pain at hearing them nearly caused my own heart to stop beating.  I could not believe the power those words had.  I could not believe I had wielded that power so recklessly in the past.  Shame on me.  And I really did feel shame.  More than that, I felt a fear like I have never experienced in my entire life.  As the fear began to choke the reasoning and the logic from my mind, I had one response in my head. “But I can’t live without him!” That thought reverberated through my mind and my psyche as if it was actual Scripture.  It was as if it were an undeniable truth.  And in my mind, it was. So began my journey through the process of divorce.  I went to my bed and threw mys...
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